Horrible Histories – Terrible Thames Tour

• KidRated’s Terrible Thames Tour Top Tips

   

• Wrap Up Warm: The top deck has the best views, but it can get chilly even on a sunny day. Hats, scarves, and coats are your friends here.
• Book in Advance: This tour is super popular, especially during holidays and weekends. Sovgrab your tickets early to make sure you don’t miss out. It runs like clockwork, so don’t be late!
• Perfect for a Quick Adventure: At around 45 minutes, it’s short enough to keep younger kids engaged, but jam-packed with fun and information. If you’re looking to fill an afternoon without committing a whole day, this is perfect.

Looking for a day out that’ll not only entertain but also sneak in some learning? Look no further than Terrible Thames, a brilliant boat trip brought to you by the folks behind the Horrible Histories stage show. This isn’t your usual Thames sightseeing tour—it’s a gruesome, hilarious, and often surprising history of London’s iconic river. And, if your family loves Horrible Histories and all things poo, farts, and fascinating facts, this is right up your alley.

The wildly fun 45-minute theatrical boat ride takes you up and down the Thames. But instead of the same old stories of kings and queens, this tour gives you all the gory and hilarious details that traditional tours conveniently forget. You’ll get the lowdown on historical figures like King Henry VIII, Anne Boleyn, and even Jack the Ripper, as well as plenty of surprising nuggets about London’s famous landmarks—Tower of London, the Globe, and London Bridge to name a few. The best part? It’s delivered in true Horrible Histories style with jokes, songs, and lots of laughs

You’ll sail past London’s biggest attractions—think Tower Bridge, Westminster, the Shard, the Globe, and more—while hearing all the stories your school textbooks skipped. You’ll learn why Cleopatra’s Needle is a bit of a nightmare to clean, tremble in terror at Execution Dock, and get the lowdown on everyone’s favourite baddie, King Henry VIII. It’s history with all the gruesome bits left in!

The boat does a loop, so you’ll get a chance to see both sides of the river, and the commentary covers a ton in just 45 minutes—trust us, there’s no chance for boredom here!

One of the best things about Terrible Thames is that it really does cater to all ages. Have a curious 6-year-old or a history-hating teenager? No problem! The stories are fast-paced and full of surprises that will keep younger ones enthralled, while the clever historical facts and witty banter mean older kids and even teens (yes, really!) will have a blast. Plus, it’s a great bonding experience for grandparents and parents alike.

There’s plenty of space, especially on the top deck. If it’s cold or rainy, there’s indoor seating available, but trust us—if you can brave the chill, the top deck is where the magic happens!

You can easily book tickets online. Prices are reasonable, and for what you get (an engaging live show plus a boat ride!), it’s fantastic value for families. Just make sure you secure your spot ahead of time, especially during school holidays when it can sell out – and be ON TIME!