BlockBusted

Over the summer holidays I went to see Transformers 4 with my 12 year old son. He was adamant I referred to it by its proper title Transformers 4: Age of Extinction but I refused because I know that the chances of the franchise becoming extinct aren’t just slim – they’re skeletal.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a summer blockbuster. You’re talking to a movie buff who ,as a boy, queued round the block for Star Wars, Raiders and Marty McFly.   As I got older I still got butterflies as I planned trips to see Terminators, Top Guns and John McClane. But these days the big holiday films leave me cold. I’m left with nothing more than a sense of déjà vu and bleeding eardrums.

Let’s start with the former. The inherent problem with superhero movies is the origin story is the only interesting bit. Once you’ve discovered how Superman got to be super and why the Hulk goes green you sit there waiting for costumes to either be swapped or split.

Admittedly, the writers in  the 70s and 80s filled the void between set pieces with some creaky dialogue:

Han Solo:  “I love you”

Princess Leia: “I know”

But at least the stories were exciting and the set pieces inventive and original.

Nowadays, we’re submerged by a wave of dodgy exposition and then forced to sit through an orgy of even dodgier CGI, which brings me to the latter. Why does every blockbuster end with the deafening destruction of a real or fictional city?

In the last few years I’ve watched Joker and Batman destroy Gotham, Hydra destroy Washington, Magneto destroy San Francisco, Loki, Iron Man, Green Goblin, Black Widow, Iron Man, Spiderman, Thor, Electro and a bunch of other assorted baddies wreck New York.

New York Annihilated

Does my son mind though? Of course not. He’s from a generation that grew up on the Teletubbies. A show which simply filled a 30 minute time slot by showing their 15 minute programme twice and claiming it was educational.

If I created a film made entirely from scenes of New York being annihilated I know he and his friends would watch it transfixed and claim it to be ‘Epic’ at the end.

So I went along with my extra sweater (to combat the air-conditioning) and a loan from the bank to pay for the refreshments. And when we left we discused how amazing it was.

At least I think that’s what we spoke about – my ears were still ringing and I was forced to lip-read.